God Awful Things

In some movie I recently saw (I think, I’m just saying I don’t believe it was me to first say this), one character asks the question “Why are human females the only mammals with big boobs?”

It’s a good question, and one I proposed in the bar recently.  I, naturally, have no idea why this is they case, but I’m glad it’s the case.. I’d certainly hate to see the mammaries on a blue whale.  Plus imagine the shame of being all “Whoa, that chick is hot!” only for her to turn around and realize it’s an orangutang..  We already know the shame of checking out a girls posterior only for them to turn around and be a dude.

It surely must be a selective thing that has just come over time, but who knows why?

Via TVTropes

Also, in humans big breasts are a secondary sexual characteristic. There’s at least one hypothesis that humans’ bulked-up boobies are the results of bipedalism putting the usual primate attractor of round buttocks out of the eyeline, so selection pressure encouraged a similar structure higher up. Another hypothesis is that, while in other Great apes the mammaries are only swollen when the female is nursing young, in adult human woman the breasts are full year-round, making it harder for the men to ascertain when the woman has her fertile period each month, so they guard her against rivals the whole time. It isn’t the actual mammary glands making page six, in other words.

Of course, that’s not exactly anything scientific.

Here’s the wiki entry that’s relevant

The theory of sexual selection has been used to explain a number of human anatomical features. These include rounded breasts, facial hair, pubic hair, human skin color. In the Descent of Man, Darwin viewed these traits as so trivial to survival ^[4] that only sexual selection could account for their presence, however the variation in these features among the various peoples of the world meant that human mate-choice criteria would also have to be quite different and he himself doubted that citing ^[5] reports indicating that ideals of beauty did not, in fact, vary in this way around the world. Sexual selection has continued to be suggested as a possible explanation for the varying appearance evolved by human groups. Marriage practices are linked to skin colour especially the extreme of pigmentation that evolved in Africa by John Manning ^[6][7] who suggests the practice of polygyny increased competition for females and hence selection of males for testosterone. Increased suceptibility to sunburn and disease produced by higher hormone levels is hypothesized to have resulted in the antimicrobial properties of melanocytes, melanosomes and melanin playing a key role in the evolution of black skin.^[8][9]

The breasts of primates are flat, yet are able to produce sufficient milk for feeding their young. The breasts of non-lactating human females are filled with fatty tissue and not milk. Thus it has been suggested the rounded female breasts are signals of fertility.^[10]

The evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins has speculated that the loss of the penis bone in humans, when it is present in other primates, may be due to sexual selection by females looking for an honest advertisement of good health in prospective mates. Since a human erection relies on a hydraulic pumping system, erection failure is a sensitive early warning of certain kinds of physical and mental ill health.^[11] Homoalso has by far the largest penis of the great apes and this is believed to be sexually selected in much the same way as the larger testicles of Pan. However it has been suggested that the size of the human penis has resulted from selection for efficiency in displacing the sperm of rival males during intercourse ^[12]

Huh, never thought of the weenis aspect, but damnit, I wanna talk about boobs! None the less, we can see evidence the we have loved tits & ass long time.

Worlds Oldest Porn

…nevertheless by all available accounts, and by contrast with human beings, masturbation to completion is an exceedingly rare phenomenon in other species with capable hands very much like our own. As anybody who has ever been to the zoo knows, there’s no question that other primates play with their genitalia; the point is that these diddling episodes so seldom lead to an intentional orgasm.

In a 1983 study from the International Journal of Primatology , the sexual behaviors of several groups of wild gray-cheeked mangabeys were observed for over 22 months in the Kibale Forest of Western Uganda. There was plenty of sex, particularly during the females’ peak swellings. But just two incidents of male masturbation leading to ejaculation were observed. Yes, that’s right. Whereas healthy human males can’t seem to go without masturbating for longer than 72 hours, two measly cases of masturbating mangabeys were observed over a nearly two-year period.

Go on, put this article aside, take a five minute break and put my challenge to the test (don’t forget to close your office door if you’re reading this at work): Just try to masturbate successfully—that is, to orgasmic completion—without casting some erotic representational target in your mind’s eye. Instead, clear your mind entirely, or think of, I don’t know, an enormous blank canvass hanging in an art gallery. And of course no porn or helpful naked co-workers are permitted for this task either.

How’d it go? Do you see the impossibility of it? This is one of the reasons, incidentally, why I find it so hard to believe that self-proclaimed asexuals who admit to masturbating to orgasm are really and truly asexual. They must be picturing something , and whatever that something is gives away their sexuality.

Hhuhuhuhuhuhuh huhuhuhuh uhuhuhuhuh