God Awful Things

The Less You Know

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Feeling Too Happy Today?

July 29th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

You ever have one of those days where you’re all “Man, I’m too happy.. I wish I could read something to incite anxiety attacks and bring me down..”?

Well there is an article on the New Yorker about Hospice medical care for dying patients that you can read to solve that problem.

Her father and her sister still thought that she might rally. But when the others had stepped out of the room, Rich knelt down weeping beside Sara and whispered in her ear. “It’s O.K. to let go,” he said. “You don’t have to fight anymore. I will see you soon.”

Later that morning, her breathing changed, slowing. At 9:45 A.M., Rich said, “Sara just kind of startled. She let a long breath out. Then she just stopped.”

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This Is A True Story

July 26th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

Last night I was having dinner and drinks with some friends and naturally the conversation turned to my frustration with the Predators movie.   That being the whole not realizing they’re not on earth until the reach some cliff edge and notice one or two or three giant planets in the sky.  Seriously, WTF, like gravity wouldn’t tear it apart, blah, plus I mean, it FILLS the sky, they would have noticed it from anywhere.. Anyway.

So today I am sent a link of a T-shirt with a wolf howling at the moon, and of course the moon is huge.  So I decide I will show her the “Three Wolves One Moon” shirt made famous on amazon.

You know what happened as I was reading the reviews? My iTunes started playing “Rock You Like A Hurricane”.. No shit.

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Department of Redundancy Department

July 23rd, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

Do you say things like “ATM Machine” or “PIN Number”? Then you have RAS Syndrome, which stands for Redundant Acronym Syndrome Syndrome.  Itself being a redundant acronym..

From the Wiki:

RAS syndrome stands for redundant acronym syndrome syndrome and refers to the redundant use of one or more of the words that make up an acronym or initialism with the abbreviation itself, thus in effect repeating one or more words. Usage commentators consider such redundant acronyms poor style and an error to be avoided in writing, though they are common in speech.[1]

The term “RAS syndrome” is itself a redundant acronym,[2][3] and thus is an example of self-referential humor.

Truly… the more you know.

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One & Done

July 14th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

Why is it my email client filters everything as spam except for erectile disfunction spam

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LaLaLaLa!!!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!

July 13th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

I can’t even hear what this lady(?) is saying over the noise of her eyebrows.

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Labronageddon

July 9th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

Personally I couldn’t give two shits where LeBron goes to play. But obviously many do.  Now the majority owner of the Cavs has “stayed classy” in his open letter, which can be read here..

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

I can recognize how laughable this is, but thats not what’s really got my panties in a bunch.. Look at that letter… look at the type face.. COMIC SANS! WTF!

Ban Comic Sans

I’m Comic Sans, Asshole.

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Biological Wackiness

June 29th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

In some movie I recently saw (I think, I’m just saying I don’t believe it was me to first say this), one character asks the question “Why are human females the only mammals with big boobs?”

It’s a good question, and one I proposed in the bar recently.  I, naturally, have no idea why this is they case, but I’m glad it’s the case.. I’d certainly hate to see the mammaries on a blue whale.  Plus imagine the shame of being all “Whoa, that chick is hot!” only for her to turn around and realize it’s an orangutang..  We already know the shame of checking out a girls posterior only for them to turn around and be a dude.

It surely must be a selective thing that has just come over time, but who knows why?

Via TVTropes

Also, in humans big breasts are a secondary sexual characteristic. There’s at least one hypothesis that humans’ bulked-up boobies are the results of bipedalism putting the usual primate attractor of round buttocks out of the eyeline, so selection pressure encouraged a similar structure higher up. Another hypothesis is that, while in other Great apes the mammaries are only swollen when the female is nursing young, in adult human woman the breasts are full year-round, making it harder for the men to ascertain when the woman has her fertile period each month, so they guard her against rivals the whole time. It isn’t the actual mammary glands making page six, in other words.

Of course, that’s not exactly anything scientific.

Here’s the wiki entry that’s relevant

The theory of sexual selection has been used to explain a number of human anatomical features. These include rounded breasts, facial hairpubic hairhuman skin color. In the Descent of Man, Darwin viewed these traits as so trivial to survival [4] that only sexual selection could account for their presence, however the variation in these features among the various peoples of the world meant that human mate-choice criteria would also have to be quite different and he himself doubted that citing [5] reports indicating that ideals of beauty did not, in fact, vary in this way around the world. Sexual selection has continued to be suggested as a possible explanation for the varying appearance evolved by human groups. Marriage practices are linked to skin colour especially the extreme of pigmentation that evolved in Africa by John Manning [6][7] who suggests the practice of polygyny increased competition for females and hence selection of males for testosterone. Increased suceptibility to sunburn and disease produced by higher hormone levels is hypothesized to have resulted in the antimicrobial properties of melanocytes, melanosomes and melanin playing a key role in the evolution of black skin.[8][9]

The breasts of primates are flat, yet are able to produce sufficient milk for feeding their young. The breasts of non-lactating human females are filled with fatty tissue and not milk. Thus it has been suggested the rounded female breasts are signals of fertility.[10]

The evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins has speculated that the loss of the penis bone in humans, when it is present in other primates, may be due to sexual selection by females looking for an honest advertisement of good health in prospective mates. Since a human erection relies on a hydraulic pumping system, erection failure is a sensitive early warning of certain kinds of physical and mental ill health.[11] Homoalso has by far the largest penis of the great apes and this is believed to be sexually selected in much the same way as the larger testicles of Pan. However it has been suggested that the size of the human penis has resulted from selection for efficiency in displacing the sperm of rival males during intercourse [12]

Huh, never thought of the weenis aspect, but damnit, I wanna talk about boobs! None the less, we can see evidence the we have loved tits & ass long time.

Worlds Oldest Porn

Okay, maybe it’s not porn.. but we’ll never know as The good ol Venus of Willendorf was carved some 24,000+ years ago (oooor it was hidden in the ground along with dinosaur bones by Jesus to test our faith).
speaking of jerkin’ the gerkin’ did you know humans are special in another way?
…nevertheless by all available accounts, and by contrast with human beings, masturbation to completion is an exceedingly rare phenomenon in other species with capable hands very much like our own. As anybody who has ever been to the zoo knows, there’s no question that other primates play with their genitalia; the point is that these diddling episodes so seldom lead to an intentional orgasm.
In a 1983 study from the International Journal of Primatology , the sexual behaviors of several groups of wild gray-cheeked mangabeys were observed for over 22 months in the Kibale Forest of Western Uganda. There was plenty of sex, particularly during the females’ peak swellings. But just two incidents of male masturbation leading to ejaculation were observed. Yes, that’s right. Whereas healthy human males can’t seem to go without masturbating for longer than 72 hours, two measly cases of masturbating mangabeys were observed over a nearly two-year period.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

Go on, put this article aside, take a five minute break and put my challenge to the test (don’t forget to close your office door if you’re reading this at work): Just try to masturbate successfully—that is, to orgasmic completion—without casting some erotic representational target in your mind’s eye. Instead, clear your mind entirely, or think of, I don’t know, an enormous blank canvass hanging in an art gallery. And of course no porn or helpful naked co-workers are permitted for this task either.

How’d it go? Do you see the impossibility of it? This is one of the reasons, incidentally, why I find it so hard to believe that self-proclaimed asexuals who admit to masturbating to orgasm are really and truly asexual. They must be picturing something , and whatever that something is gives away their sexuality.

Hhuhuhuhuhuhuh huhuhuhuh uhuhuhuhuh

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So long..

June 28th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

Sad to see the US lose a game we should have won, but at least not I can just focus on the beauty of the game rather than the heartbreak.

You said it, man.

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GOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!

June 16th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

Sure you’ve been to GodAwful.com…

But have you been to it at the World Cup?

Serious lulz

Gooooolface

Vuvuzela Concerto

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Gollolololol

June 15th, 2010 Evan Brightwell --> · No Comments

World Cup fever has me seeing restless mornings for a good week now.  I’m acquiring a collection of World Cup related images but don’t have to time to add them all to this post yet. So We’ll start with this…

Lulz

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