God Awful Things

When I was a teen in the Iowa countryside, it would be an understatement to say there was nothing to do. Especially if you didn’t really care to participate in any sports.  So my friend Steve and I did what any self respecting “alternative” teens would do in the 90′s…

“Let’s start a band, man!”

“Fuck yeah!”

So we made a band, along with Chris and sometimes Steve’s sister (whom has yet to me mentioned in a Time of My Flowery Youth post, but will some day).  I wish I could remember some potential band names but none have been saved in my database, and whilst I don’t know if we ever had an “official” name, I know sometimes we referred to the band as “Black Water Circus”… pretty alternative, especially considering that bizarre blend of music we would play together.. in hindsight, I’m not sure how his parents could stand to listen to us as if it is even half as God Awful (Fun Fact: God Awful Music was what my BMI publishing name would have been, which shows you how long I’ve had this damned domain name.)

We had a song called “Lightning Bug”, which Steve wrote.. I remember a line about a lightning bug smashed on the windshield and a dead dear on the side of the road, which my brother would always sing in his Jay Farrar voice.  Steve was in his Uncle Tupelo phase, so it was appropriate.  I think we had a song called “Country Song” which I can still play the opening to on guitar (oh, I played drums back then).  A cover of CCR’s Effigy (Just like Uncle Tupelo did) anyway, we played some shows,  like at the local 4th of july festival.  Meanwhile I secretly bought a digital delay and reverb pedal and began to teach myself guitar to change the whole direction the band would take!

Only college came.. but that’s not important.  I mention this because this is what we did, when we had nothing better to do.. We’d smoke cigarettes and drink beer in the barn and then rock.  So turning 18 was no big deal to us, it was the good time 90′s.  But the reasoning for all this nostalgia is because of what we did on either my 18th birthday or Steve’s (he’s only a few months younger than me).  We drove up north towards the big city of Des Moines and went to the porn shop.  Yup, cos we’d already been buying smokes for a while, so the only new thing to do was go to the porn shop.  Now, my memory is fuzzy, so I don’t remember whose birthday it was, but I do remember that Jason Glover’s father was there and when we went in he said to the door guy “They’re cool!”

It was a short stay… as frankly I don’t think either of us were into porn, Steve was already getting laid and I was trying desperately to sleep with his sister.. good times.  Anyway, now days, the internet is everywhere, and as you know if you’ve ever done a none filtered search of the internet on google that porn is everywhere and made from anything you can imagine.

This is why I am amused so greatly by the two guys who stuck up a porno shop and stole 50 XXX rated films

APRIL 13–Meet John Scott Kincaid and Christopher Ray Fitzgerald. The Texas men were arrested this morning after they allegedly stuck up an adult video store and made off with 50 pornographic movies. According to police, Kincaid, 21, and Fitzgerald, 20, were nabbed shortly after the 12:20 AM robbery ofAdult Video and DVD in Kilgore. After their vehicle was pulled over, officers recovered the 50 X-rated films, along with a Ruger automatic handgun, and a face mask, according to a Kilgore Police Department press release. Kincaid (top) and Fitzgerald are pictured below in mug shots snapped this morning at the Kilgore City Jail, where they were each booked on a felony aggravated robbery count. The men are suspects in two armed robberies last week, one of which occurred at the same video store robbed today.

Fella’s should have just gone on the internet, it is everywhere and free on there.. poor dumb bastards.