God Awful Things

True believers, I’ve got some news for those of you whom don’t know me (all 2 of you).  In my flowery youth, I fancied myself a bit of a minstrel of love.  And so I would record songs (of varying quality, both lyrically, musically, and recording).

See, when I was in High School (oh to have a copy of my senior picture) I was the drummer for our high school jazz band (and marching band).  In marching band I played the quads, and in jazz band I played the drum set, I hated being first chair and would deliberately lose challenges but the teacher saw through my plans and would force me to stay on as first chair anyway.

I was on the left

I would break sticks from banging the drums to hard, I remember him putting up a picture of me over the Demolition Man ad in the paper.  Later would charge me $9 for each pair of sticks broken, I’m not sure why I had such a problem, I just tell myself I rocked too hard \nn/

When you live in a small town in the middle of nowhere Iowa you are looking for any escape you can, and so me and my friend Steve decided we would make a band! (Man!).  I would play drums, he would play guitar and sing.. We didn’t know any bassists, but Jeremy Pettyjohn would play with us on our first live performance, I think after that we wouldn’t bother with bass.  We’d later add another guitarist Chris, and sometimes Steve’s sister, Mary, would play with us and sing.  Our name? Black Water circus, cos that shit is just awesome! (I kid).

But behind the music, there was strife in the band, Steve was in the middle of his Uncle Tupelo phase and was writing songs about Lightning Bugs (Yes, fireflies, but that’s what he called them) and dead dear on the side of the road.  Chris was off being technically proficient, Mary was writing on the piano and just singing, and I.. secretly I longed to play guitar, but had no skills, and not so secretly, get in Mary’s pants.

So after leaving drug rehab and moving in with my Rock ‘n’ Roll Aunt and Temporary Uncle, I started to teach myself how to kick out the jams, my earliest recordings would sound a lot like His Name is Alive.

I have these on cassette still, and there are some decent melodies somewhere down in there.  In college I would start recording more only this would be on a crappy mic with a crappy acoustic an 808 for beats and a crappy singing voice.  Acoustic folk sadcore songs with an 808.  Then it would get a _little_ fancier with programming drums in Reason and having actual mics and pedals and what not, but then I stopped a few years after moving to LA.. Zero inspiration… how sad to move out to the land of musicians and have your musical desires killed?

Anyway, I will post these songs over time so we can look back, laugh, and remember the Good Times™.

The first we will hear, is a little ditty called:

When It’s Your Own

Recorded back on April 18th 2003 at 5:56 pm here are the lyrics

She puts her hands onto my arm, her boyfriend works behind the bar.  A twist of her head lets her hair fall down, I grab my coat and turn around.  I can see this would happen to me if I let this continue and go the way it would go if I let this continue.

I tell her “I don’t feel anything”, the guilt is building inside of me.  She whispers “he won’t suspect a thing”, this is my future and my warning.  If I lose myself and let this go, I could never expect anyone to stay more than a single..

Day after today I promise to change, so long as I can stay the same way you wanted me you say that I’ll see all I could be if only I’d stay the same

I guess I haven’t given up hope, still ten more feet before the end of my rope.  I think I like being alone, I can get in my car and hit the road, and ride my hands in the air, carry my thoughts to a bridge that I burnt, a girl who just wanted my love for a..

Day after today I promise to change, so long as I can stay the same way you wanted me you say that I’ll see all I could be if only I’d stay the same.

Fin.