God Awful Things

Well, it’s been a while since the Jump School movie idea. What can I say? Inspiration is hard to come by. But it does strike sometimes…. and with that, I present a new movie idea.

The Grand Unified Theory of Everything (Those are links to the wiki entry on The Grand Unified Theory, and the Theory of Everything)

I feel I should have a little set-up here.. you see Spolans (of Spolans Busting fame) isn’t funny.  A while ago I even said I would make him a shit for his birthday that says “Not Funny Since 1977″, later modified to “Not Funny In This Universe Or Any Other Since 1977″ “Still Not Funny Tour” with cities listed on the back.  A friend of his also claimed to be writing a novel “So You Think You’re Funny Spolans”.  Anyway, inspiration was right there all along.

This is the story of the unfunniest man in all the multiverse.

Infinite Possibilities For Funny, He Can't Find One

The opening of the film will explain the theory of the multiverse.. of course there are 4 types and this is based on a Type 3 Multiverse.  So we have out anti-hero… Verlan Wilcox.. The unfunniest man in the universe..  Verlan, of course, only wants to be funny in his hopes to woe Peggy Bismarck.

Meanwhile at a particle accelerator (in multiple universes), physicists are busy smashing protons together looking for Higgs Boson or any other strange particles.  Well, in their tests they discover that a previously unknown particle is being detected and by calculating their trajectory they seem to be directed on one point.  With measurements and calculations they pin point that point is a man, our anti-hero.

The governments of the multiverses want to find this man and find out what makes him so special.  So we have a bit of a black helicopters chasing down a guy story, which of course makes him all the more attractive and mysterious to Peggy whom begins to fall for him finally, he is then captured and studied.. It is here we discover that somehow Verlan seems to exist in all dimensions and all universes, and in none of them is he funny, the particles being absorbed by him are “unfunnitrons” and if he were to ever successfully be funny, it would release all the stored up energy and destroy all space and time as we know it in every single universe.

Deciding that it is too risky to allow his freedom, Verlan is to be taken away to a military base with a ball gag so he can never possibly say something funny.  On his transport to the facility his rag tag team of friends and Peggy rescue him from would be captors.. Upon his freedom Peggy and Verlan finally kiss.. Verlan then makes a joke, one that is funny. The audience laughs, the movie cuts to black.. the audience laughs again realizing through their laughter at his joke that the universe has collapsed in on itself..

FIN

So, if you’re a big time movie exec and you’d like to option this story I can promise you _dozens_ of ticket sales.